Lynn Belvedere

CAN HEIRONYMUS MERKIN EVER FORGET MERCY HUMPPE AND FIND TRUE HAPPINESS

“Heironymus Merkin” constantly exhibits his intense feelings of lust/love via his strong sexual desires/attractions, and he currently is my all-time favourite fictional character. However his only movie appearance was in Anthony George Newley’s 1969 British comedy musical movie called – “Can Heironymus Merkin Ever Forget Mercy Humppe and Find True Happiness?” As expected “Can Heironymus Merkin” was condemned by the Catholic Legion of Decency. MPAA USA made “Can Heironymus Merkin” the sixth film to be designated with the X rating.

Each and every ridiculously over-the-top crazy fictional character has some basis in reality. In January 1969 “Heironymus Merkin” was a brand-new slightly fictional movie character, that was not created out of thin air, so Anthony George Newley IS THE REAL “Heironymus Merkin”.

In real life from 1963 to 1970, Joan Collins was married to Anthony George Newley, and the couple had two children during the marriage, Tara Newley and Sacha (Alexander) Newley, and all four are cast in the movie. A critical and massive financial flop, the movie theater release of the movie “Can Heironymus Merkin”, also caused Joan Collins to divorce her husband Anthony George Newley.

Can Heironymous Merkin Ever Forget Mercy Humppe and Find True Happiness? (1969) – This immensely unwatchable “Vaudeville Mockumentary” movie, advertises a movie title that asks just one question during its excessive duration of either 107 minutes or 117 minutes (117 minutes uncut version MPAA rated X) – “Can Heironymous Merkin ever forget Mercy Humppe and find true happiness?” The film has no opening credits, so the movie you just watched, has its title posed as a question, that question finally appears as part of the end credits. However that question, is never ever answered by what you just watched on screen.

Anthony Newley the actor, was multi-tasking as the complete auteur (star and leading man, director-producer-writer-composer-singer-songwriter) – however he deliberately failed to learn anything about filmmaking, when acting in other projects. Fully suffering from “career egotism”, Pretentious/Nihilistic Anthony Newley has many personal axes to grind, scattered/littered everywhere throughout his “Can Heironymus Merkin”. 1969 Playboy Playmate of the Year, Ms. Connie Kreski constantly excels in the role of Mercy Humppe. His forever lost lover, and she most  certainly is YAR, because typically ready and prepared for action, and quick to move.

This awful “Golden Turkey” of a movie musical, takes a decidedly absurdist viewpoint, but is yet another indulgent autobiographical vanity project, that should never ever have been green-lit by a Hollywood Studio. THE PLOT – “Heironymus Merkin (Anthony Newley) screens an autobiographical home movie of his life, growth, and moral decay.”, that no-one should ever pay to watch. Just walk out, as the movie deliberately bothered to NOT have a script that would generate successful box office revenues, followed by the requisite sequel and prequel. This Vaudeville-based musical oddity conceit, has no musical showstoppers, plus completely forgettable weird songs/soundtrack.

“Can Heironymus Merkin” was modified from the original version, by massively editing to selectively remove content (YES a total of ten minutes deleted), that allowed “Can Heironymous Merkin Ever Forget Mercy Humppe and Find True Happiness? to be approved by the “many little old ladies” that were running the censor board in March 1970, i.e. Australian Film Censorship Board.

“Devil Girl From Mars” (1954) is often considered by many as the “Golden Turkey” worst British movie ever made, however “Can Heironymus Merkin” is horrendously unwatchable. Surprisingly “Can Heironymus Merkin” was the award winner for “Best British Original Screenplay”.

Typically you should expect frequent female nudity, vulgar burlesque, beastiality, film-within-a-film, film-within-a-film-within-a-film, and see the always selfish misogynist Anthony Newley climb a mountain (Moses-like) to meet with God. (1) Watch constant womaniser Anthony Newley pandering/pondering/ considering/having sex for the entire two hours; and (2) watch Anthony Newley suffering from the eternal male irritation at (always untrustworthy, because he is just an unsuitable male person) being always always wanting/needing/desiring 24/7 to have too much sex, followed by additional sex; and (3) his forever lustful search for the one perfect female; and (4) repeatedly selecting the wrong perfect female; and (5) the frustration from choosing each wrong perfect female; and (6) seeking further adulterous sexual liaisons; and (7) each new adulterous sexual liaison causing (short-lived) feelings of wretched and torturous guilt; and (8) consideration of the next illicit libidinous encounter, with the ever-willing next female.

Universal Pictures Limited, i.e. Universal Studios home video entertainment releases on VHS DVD BLU-RAY NTSC/PAL over the last fifty-four years, have always excluded issuing “Can Heironymus Merkin Ever Forget Mercy Humppe and Find True Happiness?”

 

 

 

Published by Lynn Belvedere

Once we were old enough, my parents took the whole family to the Sydney CBD cinemas every week. Thus began a lifetime interest, in going to the cinema every week, and became a passionate cinephile by watching all those very heavily edited ''Australian Film Censorship Board'' true cinéaste versions of brand new release ''Cinematograph Films''. Greater Union always gave my father (who worked in Cinema Distribution Exhibition) guest double movie passes, to every first-night ''red carpet Opening Night'' at The State Theatre Cinema at 49 Market Street. Up until his death, my dad always received ''two house seats'' for every Opening Night performance events at the Theatre Royal SYDNEY and at Her Majesty's Theatre SYDNEY. As a child, when mum choose not to go, I often went with him, to those live performance events. As a young child, I remember being taken for each new show, at both The New Theatre at 60 Sussex Street, and the Phillip Street Theatre when located at 150 Elizabeth Street, and for classical music concerts at Sydney Town Hall. = = = ★★★★★ = = = Being happy is a choice, and I have always viewed my life, as material ready be made into a series of amazing tentpole movies. My New Years Resolution is kept every year: ''Get to see/review five new live theatre shows each week, and get to see/review six new cinema movies each week'', plus is one of the Australian Cinema Pioneers, and apparently have seen far too much already, but always wanting to experience more and more each year. I am also able to do almost everything that I enjoy doing. Yes, I do have a great daytime job in I.T. as ''Software Design Project Manager'', PLUS each evening until quite late - - - Australian Cinematograph Films historical censorship consultant - product-placement consultant - mystery-shopper consultant - playwright, writer, author, director, producer, photographer, cinematographer, color-grader, subtitles proofreader - arts/ drama/ music/ film critic and judge, journalist, member FIPRESCI & FCCA & AFCA, member AACTA accredited film reviewer-critic-writer, accredited IMDB.COM critic-reviewer-author, projectionist, plus an innovative iconoclast - - - ★★★★★ LYNN BELVEDERE ★★★★★ - - - [usr 5] - - -